2003-12-01 - 11:54 a.m. yay. acknowledged. that’s all I was going for. I wasn’t trying to offend you or anything. honestly. I have no reason too. I, however, randomly did a google search of my aol screenname, and one of the results was your fireant journal. you have no idea how strange that was. and it only became stranger as I started to read what you had in there. primarily just the entry [which now seems to be deleted?] about you reading this journal of mine. I was fucking freaked out of my mind. seriously, just imagine finding out your ex-boyfriend’s current girlfriend now knows everything about you. and everything you felt for him. yeah. not the greatest feeling. but, when I went on reading what you had to say, mentioning that you had/are having the same feelings as I did, it started to make me a bit more comfortable. actually, I found it really interesting. [another thing I find interesting is the letters in my first name can be re-arranged to "evil rae". heh. anyway..] I don’t know, I may be sick and twisted [or just caring and compassionate] for saying this, but I hope that by you reading my journal, somehow you and him are going to have a stronger relationship than he and I had. he’s a good guy, and I don’t know much about you, but if you would go and read your boyfriend’s ex’s diary, then you must be a person with a pretty strong heart. I doubt you will believe me, but I want you to know that I do wish you the best. after all this [if you even read it], I don’t expect you to like me and there is nothing I can do or say to keep you from hating me. if you ever want to talk to me, feel free to email at: ladieval01@aol.com or IM me at the same name. for all those how have read, are reading, or happen to stumble upon this diary, please note: these are the last words I will write here. that doesn’t mean these will be the last I write, but the past and present way of things are no longer valid in this place. perhaps some day, I will open the pages to this book again, but as for now, the book is closed. if anyone needs anything from me, as I mentioned before, please don’t hesitate to write. I promise there will be a response.

sparkle and fade